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Hi I'm Janna and I am a book whore! I started this blog after being a part of another for years. While being a big blog may be nice I like to stay true to me having a love for books, that's why I blog. I love books and I want to share that love with my readers of this blog. I love to read, books are my escape and a huge part of my life besides my husband and two children. I am honest and sometimes sassy in my reviews but never mean. Some of my favorite authors include Kristen Ashley, Penelope Douglas, T.M. Frazier, M.N. Forgy, Rachel Van Dyken, Meghan March and Vi Keeland to only name a few!


Wednesday, February 10, 2016

I miss you Uncle Gary

It will be rare that I ever post anything personal on this page.  I dedicate my blogging to my love of books and the authors who write them.  Today though, today is a bittersweet day in my life.  Today and through Valentine's Day I fall into a deep depression.  I lost my uncle 25 years ago today.  On Valentine's Day will be the day he was buried.  I have outlived my favorite uncle, the one who stayed up late and watched movies with me when I stayed at my Mamo and Granddad's house.  The one who played cards with me.  The one who would make hamburgers at 2am during a movie marathon.  The same man who I fought with the night before he died.  He overdosed and I never got to say that I am sorry.  This year I have been down more than I have been up.  I recently lost another friend just a few days ago and not to drugs.  I hit a really low place, one where I never want to revisit ever again.  Not only did I hurt people that I considered friends I pushed away people who I love and who love me.  I lost friendships that I wish I could repair.  There really isn't some moving message behind this post, I just want to remember the uncle I lost way too young and say that I am sorry to the ones I have hurt recently.

Hold those who you love close,even those who fight their demons on a daily basis.  This year I will tell my daughter and my son about my Uncle Gary.  The man who picked on me, loved me, taught me how to toilet paper a tree without being caught, the man who had his own demons who beat him but never will take away his memory.  My uncle may have been a drug addict and while his choices aren't one that most would choose I know he loved me.  So Uncle Gary, this post is for you. This is my apology, this is me forgiving myself for my words but for the guilt I have kept inside my heart since I felt your death before I was told.  This is the year that I begin to live again and remember the happiness you brought into my life instead of the pain I usually feel during this time of the year. This is the year that I will make not only my husband and children proud but the year that I make my Uncle Gary proud.  This is the year I will tell Bella how the band Kiss both terrified me and made me love them at the same time.  This is the year I will tell them why I love great rock n roll bands like The Doors, The Who, Led Zeppelin and many more.  This is the year I decide to still be alive while I remember the dead.  I dedicate this year to my Uncle Gary and my two children.  This is the year that I let go of the negative and embrace the positive. This is the year that I beat my very own demons instead of losing to them like my uncle did,  R.I.P. my uncle, my friend.  It is time I forgive myself and move forward instead of staying locked in the past.

2 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Thank you. This wasn't an easy post to write or share but you saying beautiful means more than you know.

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